Very quick update

I haven't put in words for a very long time my, sometimes, complex brain and thoughts. I realize I miss it and I will not lie someone has inspired me to do so! so here I am again! I figured I would all give you a very quick update on what, where, when some marking life changes I've happen since the last time I actually vomited a post!

I hope these facts will help you make the correlation on certain subjects and stories I will be sharing with you.

- Moved to Vancouver 2011-02-01
- My 4 years relationship with John ended 2012-08-??
- Daddy passed away 2012-10-05
- Became a flight attendant 2013-02-25


I hope to hear from all of you again and continue our sometimes passionate debates we use to have.

Pissed

Just to let people know that this post is in reaction to a conversation on Fetlife. I had to speak my mind and let the community know how much there are being assholes right now..It was posted on Fetlife, but i thought I could put it on my blog to...


Just to reiterate because it gets lost in the comments, this isn't about paying for video.. it's so that we can still have a Fetlife. it's not this OR video..it's this OR no Fetlife.

I'm so speechless to see how people are selfish right now. There is no other sites like Fetlife. Just little examples of what Fetlife does for the community

Caretaker team, that is there for each of you, individually they will help you not matter what. If you have any issues, they will respond to you.

Witch other site allows you to express yourself and participate to making this site better. For you OWN benefits.

Remember the fetish sections? John asked your opinion on what and how you wanted. Did you get it the way you wanted it. YES! And what about people complaining that the site was a bit slow and issues with e-mail notifications..Why? Because, big news, the site is growing. What did Fetlife do FOR YOU. Well transfered everything to a bunch of new servers ans make it more efficient! You wanted an improve search on Fetlife, you got it as well...These are FEW examples of what John and his team did FOR YOU!


Oh ya! but I forgot this cost money. We are all sitting in front of our computers enjoying a site that we all love, because they do so mush for us..but now it's time to help the people that helped us. What do we do...
We still sit in front of our computers, complaining and bitching and shitting on John and he is team, after everything he did for US. Not for him but for US.

You all came with great ideas, and truly believe that John already thought about these options. But what about if Fetlife wants to do things legally and not get in trouble. Right now for me it sounds like you don't give a rat ass about how he gets the money, even if it puts John and his team in trouble, as long you keep Fetlife the way it is. THAT IS SELFISH TO ME.

I'm really disappointed with the community right now, when it comes to your own benefits you are all happy about it, but when it comes to help the people that fed you, you shit on them...

What's the point of having a community if we can't help each other...

Have you ever met John in some events or talk to him or exchange e-mails with him? For people who did, you can't deny that he his the most genuine and understanding person. He will listen to you, he is happy to do what he does, he believes in it and in his community. Right now we fail to show him how much we care.

Oh and by the way, all of that video issue, why don't we as a COMMUNITY make it as a educational part of Fetlife. You are so afraid that will become like just like the other one. But YOU make the community so why not use this video opportunity and make it constructive and interesting.
What about videos how to make toys, how to spank somebody or to learn about bondage. You as a member will be posting videos, make it so that it doesn't become like all of the other crappy sites...

This how you become different and you set yourself apart form others...

No more hidding!

If you have noticed I don't blog as much, but I've been holding back on my writing because a lot I have to write about is my personal life. I was keeping everything for me, so I dont put the identity of my partner out there. But honestly I reached a point where I cant hold it back anymore.

A lot is going through my mind and I need to write about it and how I feel right now. I'm sure he will understand...I hope!

As you know I met somebody in January, I was not prepared for that and I would even say not looking for anybody either. We did everything in the proper order, seeing, dating each other. In the past couple of weeks now, it's obvious that we have moved to the next step. We are a couple..LOL..it makes me laugh, because I was so scared of the word relationship. I so didn't want to make the same mistakes. But honestly, I truly believe I wont, just because everything is flowing and it's a natural relationship.

Last night, a big step was done, he met mom..I was nervous like hell, first time it ever happens to me. Usually I don't care! But this time I wanted everything to be perfect. My fear was to introduce him to my mother and that in a couple of weeks from now he would brake the relationship, because it's not working out. I'm putting a lot of pressure on my shoulder and most probably on his. As pathetic it sounds, I want him to be the last one that my mom meets, I want our relationship to work out basically.

You know when you feel it's right!! You don't want things to stop, you just want them to grow in this relationship with the bad and good things. Last time I felt this way it was 11 years ago, I was madly in love with a wonderful men, that made me the women I am today. We decided not to pursue this relationship because we lived in different countries and it was to hard to deal with that. Well guess what? I feel exactly the same about my man right now. It feels so good to have those feelings again. I never thought it would be possible.

I have to pinch myself sometimes to realize I'm not dreaming. He does exist, he's real, he's all that to me. Would I say " I love you" to him, I'm not there yet. I'm a romantic girl, so I guess the right moment will show up eventually. It's not something that you say just like that, you have to feel it and mean it when you say it. I don't like it when it becomes an habit. You know those couples that says it everyday "freakin" day, or before they hang up the phone, I hate this pattern. It doesn't have the same impact then when it comes truly from the heart once in a while.

I have to thank my mom as well...I told her all the truth about where I met him and what does he do for living. Not for a second she judged him upon the information I gave her. She accept him as he is, and for me this means a lot and makes the realtionship so much easier. I think he is quite happy about that to. He doesn't have to justify anything and he's able to be himself around her. Am I experimenting the best of the world right now? I think I am, and pretty lucky about it.

So....

To you sexy man,
You are amazing to me and thanks for giving me those butterflies in my stomach, I thought they would never come back in my life.

Private schools and mini skirts

Here I am sitting in my car waiting for my mom to finish work and drop her home...

Tons of students from high school are walking down the street. I'm looking at those girls with their school uniforms. White shirt or blouse, with the plaid skirt....but wait is this really a skirt????

I can see their legs, the knee and up to thigh...Gees, no wonder people fantasize on school girls!!!
It's windy out there and cold, I counted about 10 girls that showed their asses, because the wind is lifting their skirts. Oh yeah! I almost forgot I stopped counting after 7 men in their car driving, most probably father themselves, having a look twice to thoses girls.

I'm totally disgusted..It makes me wonder, why do they make those skirts so short, they attract perverts. Call me old fashion, but as much I would love my kids to go to private school I would never but never tolerate the uniform. My parents never allowed me to dress sexy until I was 18 if I remember correctly . So why should allow my daugther to dress like an object of desire. They are going to school to learn what is life all about and to come back home with a feeling they have learned something and they can become somebody without any stereotypes.

It does not make sense to me that girls has to dress this way, what about pants??? or longer skirts?? There is predators everywhere, why give them the opportunity to act?? Why teach those young men, that a 15 year old girl can be desirable....

I know I'm old fashion, not on everything, but this really gets to me...

Men vs Women

I read a blog this morning and it made me think about the subject...So here is my point of view on what I read. I apologize to the blogger , I dont want to copy cat your post but i find it really interesting..:D I know you will forgive me!!!

So basically the subject is in regards man and how they start with less point then women!! Oh shit I feel already people screaming at me, WTF freakin feminist...Take a breath I'll explain what I mean by that..and I'm far from being a feminist let me tell you..especially as a sub!!

Don't you ever realize that no matter what, a man is judged right from the beginning, either in a situation of first date, a friend talking about somebody she is seeing , a futur brother in law or an eventual son in law! You get the picture???

Without even knowing the guy, the first thing that comes to mind is: Is he honest, is he respectful, he might be a jerk, is he faithful, is he a player...

So instead of being at the same level as a women and building a relationship at the same paste, the man has to work harder to proove that he is not all of the above. The slight little thing that he will do wrong, we will analyse it and systematically condamned him and think his a jerk!!

But us, girls, we are so much worst to actually judge them and think tha they are all the same. And like the blogger said in her post, girls are easily forgiven for the same mistakes. They dont know how to be anymore, they dont feel they have room anymore to act as a real man..We castred them, with our believes and by putting them all in the same jar.

In the society we are evolving in, women are even worst I believe. They are expecting to much, and they want the cake and the cherry on top. Why dont you look at yourself and see what you have to offer??!!! Stop tagging and judging the men that comes in your life. If you do so, you will feel so much less pressure on your shoulder and you'll stop to be scared of the "if" situation:

-If he's unfaithful
-If he stop loving me
-If he's not a good father
-If he hurts me

And by stopping asking you all of those questions, your other half will feel that he is able to be himself and dont ask him to justify who he is, you take it or leave it. Don't ever think you will change somebody. Stay true to yourself and people surrounding you, will be!!

Human being reacts to pressure, to emotions so when you are evolving in a unhappy situation, you make mistakes, you try to do whatever is to your best knowledge!!! We all make mistakes, but it doesn't make the person we are...

Do you absolutely need a man to proove you who he is with his past?? Why dont you look at him and instead of judging, ask youself this question : What can we be together!!!??

Par ou commencer!!

Honnêtement je ne sais pas trop où ce "post" va m'amener mais étant d'un naturel spontanée qui vibre d'émotions intensement, cela risque d'être un mélange de passion et d'ennivrement. Depuis mon premier amour je n'ai jamais su comment aimer. J'ai aimer, mais jamais de la bonne façon. Je ne savais pas comment m'y prendre, ni comment gérer mes émotions. J'ai frappé plusieurs murs, je me suis toujours embarqué trop rapidement ou encore sans réfléchir. La première raison étant que j'ai toujours détesté être seul.....Mais quel erreur, la personne la plus importante est soi même, puis il faut savoir s'aimer pour être aimer. Tout le monde est conscient de cela, mais ne l'applique pas nécessairement. Plusieurs personnes ce heurtent et se blessent en croyant avoir trouver la bonne personne. Moi la première, je me suis souvent cogner la tête contre le mur, en me répétant mais quel naïve, mais pourquoi je suis tomber en amour avec lui...

Je suis malheureusement le genre de personne qui doit frapper un mur plusieurs fois avant de réagir. Je suis tellement une passionnée et je me laisse emporter par l'ennivrement facilement. Suite à ma dernière rupture, il y a un déclic qui c'est fait, je crois que j'étais déjà en processus de comprendre bien des choses, mais la rupture n'a fait que confirmer ce que je commencais à comprendre. Puis il y a eu l'acceptation et le premier pas dans cet univers de sexualité alternative. J'ai toujours su qu'il manquait un truc dans mes relations, j'ai réaliser que je suis dominante dans ma vie de tout les jours, mais quand il en vient au sex et à l'amour je deviens vieux jeu en quelque sorte. J'ai besoin que l'homme prenne la place qui lui revient et moi la mienne. J'ai besoin de me sentir désiré, voulu et qu'on me prenne avec une telle envie.

Mon comportement à drastiquement changé depuis que j'accepte cette réalité, je me sens femme et je suis tout simplement moi. J'ai toujours été independante, mais aucune de mes relations me permettais de l'être. Je m'accrochais comme une sangsue à mon partenaire. Pourquoi????? Parce que je n'étais pas heureuse dans ce que je vivais, alors je me fesais croire que c'est ce que je voulais...Pathétique n'est ce pas??? En très peu de temps j'ai compris qu'il n'y avait que moi d'important, sans devenir complètement égoïste bien sur!

L'être humain à une grande capacité de s'auto-détruire avec des interprétations, des mais, des peut-être, mais il a aussi la capacité de grandir et devenir vraiment ce qu'il est! J'en suis rendu à cette étape, c'est si bon de se sentir forte et soi-même...Cet année est une année de changement pour moi et je m'étais fait une promesse de penser qu'a moi, puis de prendre du temps pour moi!! Donc inévitablement je ne voulais personne dans ma vie puis les gens qui me connaisse savent très bien que quand je prend une décision je la respecte....

BANG!!!! Je me suis fait avoir à mon propre jeu il y a un peu plus de deux mois maintenant!!! Par conséquent, je suis différente, mon comportement n'est pas le même. Je me sens libre.... Libre d'être enfin moi, libre de ne pas le retenir et de ne pas avoir le besoin de faire ainsi, libre de mes sentiments, libre de lui faire confiance....La confiance pour moi est une des choses les plus difficile à atteindre, pour de multiples raisons, puis j'y arrive très naturellement, du moins mieux qu'avec mes anciens copains...Le dialoge, l'échange, les conversations n'on jamais été aussi facile et naturel avec quelqu'un. J'arrive à exprimer tout ce que je veux et lui aussi...c'est déroutant.

NON et non je ne fais pas les choses rapidement, au contraire du passé. Tout c'est fait tranquillement et dans la norme des choses. Je me rends compte que tout cela est tellement plus sain et équilibré. C'est magnifique ce sentiment réel de ne pas s'attendre à rien et de laisser les choses se développer, sans questionnement, sans stress mais avec confiance.

Je me sens légerte , merci à toi, cet homme qui me rend femme, qui me sent et ressent ma valeur. Je n'arrive toujours pas à exprimer la nature et à quel point mes sentiments sont justes, mais le temps le fera. Ces nuits et journées passées ensemble sont d'une qualité rarement vécue, mon coeur s'ouvre un peu plus à chaque fois car tu sais si bien le pénétrer sans le brusquer...J'admire ta confiance en toi et celle que tu as en moi, ne la perd surtout pas....

Tes bras vont me manquer cette semaine......ainsi que les yeux que tu poses sur moi à chaque fois....Tu me parles à ta façon et cela m'ennivre....

Moi qui n'y croyait plus ou plutot qui n'en voulait plus, tu m'as bien jouer un tour...